This post collects some key highlights from the book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. A 5800+ words summary of the book. [Skip to main content]
I have tried my best to provide you with selected text from the book covering all Dale’s principles. If you enjoy reading this post, I’ll recommend you pick “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie next in your reading list. I loved this book mostly because real-life incidents and human psychology back all the tricks and principles mentioned in this book. It was so easy to relate these concepts with our day to day interactions with people.
The best way to absorb these principles would be to use them in your day to day interactions with your family, friends, at work and almost anywhere, anytime.
How This Book Was Written – And Why
According to the Carnegie Institute of Technology, The investigations revealed that even in such technical lines as engineering, about 15 per cent of one’s financial success is due to one’s technical knowledge, and about 85 per cent is due to skill in human engineering–to personality and the ability to lead people.
The highest-paid personnel in engineering are frequently not those who know the most about engineering. But the person who has technical knowledge plus the ability to express ideas, assume leadership and arouse enthusiasm among people is headed for higher earning power.
“Education is the ability to meet life’s situations“
Dr. John G. Hibben, former president of Princeton University
“If you teach a man anything, he will never learn“
Bernard Shaw, an Irish playwright, critic, polemicist and political activist.
In this section, the author described the importance of good communication skills, including changing other people’s attitudes and behaviour. It sets the expectation in the mind of the readers and gives them a clear picture of what they can achieve after using the principles mentioned in the book.
PART 1: Fundamental Techniques of Handling People
1. Don’t criticize, condemn of complain
Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.
“As much as we thirst for approval, we dread condemnation”
Hans Selye, psychologist
Let’s realize that criticisms are like homing pigeons. They always return home. Let’s realize that the person we will correct and condemn will probably justify themselves and condemn us in return.
“Don’t complain about the snow on your neighbor’s roof, when your own doorstep is unclean”
Confucius, Chinese philosopher and politician
When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain–and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.
“A great man shows his greatness, by the way he treats little men”
Carlyle, writer
Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism, and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. “To know all is to forgive all.”
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation
“Everything you and I do springs from two motives: the sex urge and the desire to be great”
Sigmund Freud
“The deepest urge in human nature is the desire to be important.”
Dr. Dewey
The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated. People sometimes develop a disability to win sympathy and attention and get a feeling of importance.
“I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people, the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement”
Schwab
People would think they had committed a crime if they let their families or employees go for six days without food. Still, they will let them go for six days, and six weeks, and sometimes sixty years without giving them the hearty appreciation that they crave almost as much as they crave food. Appreciation is the legal tender that all souls enjoy.
Of course, flattery seldom works with discerning people. It is shallow, selfish and insincere. It ought to fail, and it usually does. In the long run, flattery will do you more harm than good. Flattery is counterfeit, and like counterfeit money, it will eventually get you into trouble if you pass it to someone else. The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere, and the other is insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other is universally condemned.
Let’s cease thinking of our accomplishments, our wants. Let’s try to figure out the other person’s good points. Then forget flattery. Give honest, sincere appreciation. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise,” and people will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime–repeat them years after you have forgotten them.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want
The only way to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
Action springs out of what we fundamentally desire and the best piece of advice which can be given to would-be persuaders, is: First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way
Harry A. Overstreet, in his illuminating book Influencing Human Behaviour
If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own
Henfy Ford
Thousands of salespeople are pounding the pavements today, tired, discouraged and underpaid. Why? Because they are always thinking only of what they want. They don’t realize that neither you nor I want to buy anything. If we did, we would go out and buy it. But both of us are eternally interested in solving our problems. And if salespeople can show us how their services or merchandise will help us solve our problems, they won’t need to sell us. We’ll buy it. And customers like to feel that they are buying–not being sold.
Looking at the other person’s point of view and arousing in him an eager want for something is not to be construed as manipulating that person so that he will do something that is only for your benefit and his detriment. Each party should gain from the negotiation.
When we have a brilliant idea, instead of making others think it is ours, why not let them cook and stir the idea themselves. They will then regard it as their own; they will like it and maybe eat a couple of helpings of it.
PART 2: Six Ways to Make People Like You
1. Become genuinely interested in other people
You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. If we merely try to impress people and get people interested in us, we will never have many true, sincere friends. Friends, real friends, are not made that way.
It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.
Let’s greet people with animation and enthusiasm. Say “Hello” in tones that bespeak how pleased YOU are to have the person call. You have to be interested in people if you want to be a successful writer of stories.
2. Smile
Everyone knows: namely, that the expression one wears on one’s face is far more important than the clothes one wears on one’s back. Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, “I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you.”
“People who smile, tend to manage, teach and sell more effectively, and to raise happier children.”
Professor James V. McConnell, a psychologist at the University of Michigan
You must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you.
“Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not. Happiness doesn’t depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions.”
William James, psychologist and philosopher
“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
Shakespeare
“A man without a smiling face must not open a shop.”
Dale Carnegie
Your smile is a messenger of your goodwill. Your smile brightens the lives of all who see it. To someone who has seen a dozen people frown, scowl or turn their faces away, your smile is like the sun breaking through the clouds.
3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language
The average person is more interested in their own name than in all the other names on earth put together. And the ability to remember names is almost as important in business and social contacts as in politics.
Napoleon the Third, Emperor of France and nephew of the great Napoleon, boasted that he could remember the name of every person he met despite all his royal duties. His technique? Simple. If he didn’t hear the name distinctly, he said, “So sorry. I didn’t get the name clearly.” Then, if it were an unusual name, he would say, “How is it spelt?” During the conversation, he took the trouble to repeat the name several times and tried to associate it in his mind with the person’s features, expression and general appearance. If the person was someone of importance, Napoleon went to even further pains. As soon as he was alone, he wrote the name down on a piece of paper, looked at it, concentrated on it, fixed it securely in his mind, and then tore up the paper. In this way, he gained an eye impression of the name as well as an ear impression.
The name sets the individual apart; it makes them unique among all others. The information we are imparting or the request we are making takes on special importance when we approach the situation with the individual’s name.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves
What is the secret, the mystery, of a successful business interview?
“There is no mystery about successful business intercourse… . Exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you is very important. Nothing else is so flattering as that.”
Charles W. Eliot, former Harvard president
The chronic kicker, even the most violent critic, will frequently soften and be subdued in the presence of a patient, sympathetic listener–a listener who will be silent. At the same time, the irate fault-finder dilates like a king cobra and spews the poison out of his system.
“They have been so much concerned with what they are going to say next that they do not keep their ears open. Very important people have told me that they prefer good listeners to good talkers, but the ability to listen seems rarer than almost any other good trait.”
Isaac F. Marcosson, celebrity journalist
If you want to know how to make people shun you and laugh at you behind your back and even despise you, here is the recipe; Never listen to anyone for long. Talk incessantly about yourself. If you have an idea while the other person is talking, don’t wait for them to finish: bust right in and interrupt in the middle of a sentence.
“Those people who think only of themselves, are hopelessly uneducated. They are not educated, no matter how instructed they may be.”
Dr. Nicholas Murray Butler, longtime president of Columbia University
So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.
5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests
All leaders know that the royal road to a person’s heart is to talk about the things they treasure most.
Talking in terms of the other person’s interests pays off for both parties. It makes the other party feel comfortable with you, leading to a very effective conversation where both parties listen to each other’s point of view. It also reflects an idea to the other person that you care about them and their interests. This eradicates the idea of conflict in the conversation in a substantial way.
6. Make the other person feel important–and do it sincerely
‘What is there about him that I can honestly admire?’” That is sometimes a hard question to answer, especially with strangers;
What is an honest admire? It’s passing on a bit of honest appreciation without trying to get something out of the other person in return.
There is one all-important law of human conduct. If we obey that law, we shall rarely get into trouble. In fact, that law, if obeyed, will bring us countless friends and constant happiness. But the very instant we break the law, we shall get into endless trouble. The law is this: Always make the other person feel important.
“Desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature; Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.”
John Dewey
You want the approval of those with whom you come in contact. You want recognition of your true worth. You want a feeling that you are important in your little world. You don’t want to listen to cheap, insincere flattery, but you do crave sincere appreciation. How? When? Where? The answer is All the time, everywhere. Little phrases such as “I’m sorry to trouble you,” “Would you be so kind as to——?” “Won’t you please?” “Would you mind?” “Thank you”–little courtesies like these oil the cogs of the monotonous grind of everyday life–and, incidentally, they are the hallmark of good breeding.
“Talk to people about themselves, and they will listen for hours.”
PART 3: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it, and if you win it, you lose it. Why? Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes and prove that he is not sane. Then what? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph.
A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.
“If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will.”
Ben Franklin
You may be right, dead right, as you speed along in your argument, but as far as changing another’s mind is concerned, you will probably be just as futile as if you were wrong.
“Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love, and a misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation and a sympathetic desire to see the other person’s viewpoint.”
Buddha
How to keep a disagreement from becoming an argument: Distrust your first instinctive impression. Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive. Be careful. Keep calm and watch out for your first reaction. It may be you at your worst, not your best. Control your temper. Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes them angry.
Listen first. Give your opponents a chance to talk. Let them finish. Do not resist, defend or debate. Try to build bridges of understanding. Look for areas of agreement. When you have heard your opponents out, dwell first on the points and areas on which you agree. Be honest. Look for areas where you can admit error and say so. Apologize for your mistakes. It will help disarm your opponents and reduce defensiveness. Promise to think over your opponent’s ideas and study them carefully. And mean it. Your opponents may be right. It is a lot easier at this stage to agree to think about their points than to move rapidly ahead and find yourself in a position where your opponents can say: “We tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen.” Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest. Think of them as people who really want to help you, and you may turn your opponents into friends.
Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem. Suggest that a new meeting be held later that day or the next day, when all the facts may be brought to discussion. In preparation for this meeting, ask yourself some hard questions: Could my opponents be right? Partly right? Is there truth or merit in their position or argument? Is my reaction one that will relieve the problem, or will it just relieve any frustration? Will my reaction drive my opponents further away or draw them closer to me? Will my reaction elevate the estimation good people have of me? Will I win or lose? What price will I have to pay if I win? If I am quiet about it, will the disagreement blow over? Is this difficult situation an opportunity for me?
When one yells, the other should listen–because when two people yell, there is no communication, just noise and bad vibrations.
2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
Never begin by announcing, “I am going to prove so-and-so to you.” That’s bad. That’s tantamount to saying: “I’m smarter than you are. I’m going to tell you a thing or two and make you change your mind.” That is a challenge. It arouses opposition and makes the listener want to battle with you before you even start.
It is difficult, under even the most benign conditions, to change people’s minds. So why make it harder? Why handicap yourself? If you are going to prove anything, don’t let anybody know it. Do it so subtly, so adroitly, that no one will feel that you are doing it.
“You cannot teach a man anything you can only help him to find it within himself.”
Galileo
“Be wiser than other people if you can; but do not tell them so.”
Lord Chesterfield
“One thing only I know, and that is that I know nothing.”
Socrates
There’s magic, positive magic, in such phrases as: “I may be wrong. I frequently am. Let’s examine the facts.” You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong. That will stop all arguments and inspire your opponent to be just as fair and open, and broad-minded as you are. It will make him want to admit that he, too, maybe wrong.
“Agree with thine adversary quickly.”
Jesus
“Be diplomatic, It will help you gain your point.”
King Akhtoi of Egypt
In other words, don’t argue with your customer or your spouse or your adversary. Don’t tell them they are wrong, don’t get them stirred up. Use a little diplomacy.
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
If we know we will be rebuked anyhow, isn’t it far better to beat the other person to it and do it ourselves? Isn’t it much easier to listen to self-criticism than to bear condemnation from alien lips? Say about yourself all the derogatory things you know the other person is thinking or wants to say or intends to say–and say them before that person has a chance to say them. The chances are a hundred to one that a generous, forgiving attitude will be taken, and your mistakes will be minimized.
‘Mr. So-and-so, if what you say is true, I am at fault, and there is absolutely no excuse for my blunder. I have been working for you long enough to know better. I’m ashamed of myself.’
There is a certain degree of satisfaction in having the courage to admit one’s errors. It not only clears the air of guilt and defensiveness but often helps solve the problem created by the error. Any fool can try to defend their mistakes–and most fools do–but it raises one above the herd and gives one a feeling of nobility and exultation to admit one’s mistakes.
Remember the old proverb: “By fighting, you never get enough, but by yielding, you get more than you expected.”
4. Begin in a friendly way
If a man’s heart is rankling with discord and ill-feeling toward you, you can’t win him to your way of thinking with all the logic you have. Scolding parents and domineering bosses and husbands and nagging wives should realize that people don’t want to change their minds. They can’t be forced or driven to agree with you or me. But they may be led to if we are gentle and friendly, ever so gentle and ever so friendly.
“A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.”
Lincoln
So with men, if you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend. Therein is a drop of honey that catches his heart. Gentleness and friendliness were always stronger than fury and force.
5. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately
In talking with people, don’t begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing–and keep on emphasizing–the things on which you agree.
Get the other person saying “Yes, yes” at the outset. Keep your opponent, if possible, from saying “No.” When a person says “No” and really means it, they are doing far more than saying a word of two letters. The entire organism gathers itself together into a condition of rejection. When, to the contrary, a person says “Yes,” none of the withdrawal activities occurs. The organism is in a forward-moving, accepting, open attitude. Hence the more “Yeses” we can, at the very outset, induce, the more likely we are to succeed in capturing the attention for our ultimate proposal.
“He who treads softly goes far.”
Chinese proverb
It doesn’t pay to argue that it is much more profitable and much more interesting to look at things from another person’s viewpoint and try to get that person saying ‘yes, yes.’
Socratic method
Ask questions with which your opponent will have to agree. Keep on winning one admission after another until you have an armful of yeses. Keep on asking questions until finally, almost without realizing it, your opponents find themselves embracing a conclusion they would have bitterly denied a few minutes previously.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
So listen patiently and with an open mind. Be sincere about it. Encourage them to express their ideas fully.
“If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you.”
La Rochefoucauld, French philosopher
Because when our friends excel us, they feel important; but when we excel them, they–or at least some of them will feel inferior and envious.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers
No one likes to feel that they are being sold something or told to do a thing. We much prefer to feel that we are buying our own accord or acting on our own ideas. We like to be consulted about our wishes, our wants, our thoughts. Letting the other person feel that the idea is theirs, works in business and politics also works in family life.
“In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson in his essay “Self-Reliance”
‘The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred mountain streams is that they keep below them. Thus they are able to reign over all the mountain streams. So the sage, wishing to be above men, putteth himself below them; wishing to be before them, he putteth himself behind them. Thus, though his place be above men, they do not feel his weight; though his place be before them, they do not count it an injury.”
Lao-tse, a Chinese sage
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view
Remember that other people may be totally wrong. But they don’t think so. Don’t condemn them. Any fool can do that. Try to understand them. Only wise, tolerant, exceptional people even try to do that. By becoming interested in the cause, we are less likely to dislike the effect.
“I would rather walk the sidewalk in front of a person’s office for two hours before an interview, than step into that office without a perfectly clear idea of what I was going to say and what that person–from my knowledge of his or her interests and motives–was likely to answer.”
Wallace Brett Donham, former Dean of the Harvard Business School
9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires
You deserve very little credit for being what you are, and remember, the people who come to you irritated, bigoted, unreasoning deserve very little discredit for being what they are. Feel sorry for the poor devils. Pity them. Sympathize with them. Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you.
“The human species universally craves for sympathy. The child eagerly displays his injury; or even inflicts a cut or bruise in order to reap abundant sympathy. For the same purpose adults show their bruises, relate their accidents, illness, especially details of surgical operations. ‘Self-pity’ for misfortunes real or imaginary is in some measure, practically a universal practice.”
Dr. Arthur I. Gates, in his book ‘Educational Psychology’
10. Appeal to the nobler motives
All people you meet have high regard for themselves and like to be fine and unselfish in their own estimation. A person usually has two reasons for doing something: one that sounds good and a real one. The person himself will think of the real reason. You don’t need to emphasize that. But all of us, being idealists at heart, like to think of motives that sound good. So, to change people, appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas
This is the day of dramatization. Merely stating the truth isn’t enough. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, dramatic. You have to use showmanship. The movies do it. Television does it. And you will have to do it if you want attention.
12. Throw down a challenge
“The way to get things done, is to stimulate competition. I do not mean in a sordid, money-getting way, but in the desire to excel.”
Charles Schwab
The challenge! The desire to excel! Throwing down the gauntlet! An infallible way of appealing to people of spirit.
The one major factor that motivated people was the work itself. If the work was exciting and interesting, the worker looked forward to doing it and was motivated to do a good job. That is what every successful person loves: the game. The chance for self-expression. The chance to prove their worth, to excel, to win. That is what makes foot races and hog-calling and pie-eating contests. The desire to excel. The desire for a feeling of importance.
PART 4: Be A Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation
It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after hearing some praise for our good points. A barber lathers a man before he shaves him; Beginning with praise is like the dentist who begins his work with Novocain. The patient still gets a drilling, but the Novocain is painkilling.
2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly
Simply changing one three-letter word can often spell the difference between failure and success in changing people without giving offence or arousing resentment.
Many people begin their criticism with sincere praise followed by the word “but” and ending with a critical statement. Changing the word “but” to “and” calling attention to one’s mistakes indirectly works wonders with sensitive people who may resent bitterly any direct criticism.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person
It isn’t nearly so difficult to listen to a recital of your faults if the person criticizing begins by humbly admitting that he, too, is far from impeccable.
Admitting one’s own mistakes–even when one hasn’t corrected them–can help convince somebody to change his behaviour.
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
Always give suggestions, not orders.
Never say, for example, “Do this or do that,” or “Don’t do this or don’t do that.” Instead, say, “You might consider this,” or “Do you think that would work?”
Always give people the opportunity to do things themselves; Never tell your assistants to do things; let them do them, let them learn from their mistakes. A technique like that makes it easy for a person to correct errors. A technique like that saves a person’s pride and gives them a feeling of importance. It encourages cooperation instead of rebellion.
Asking questions not only makes an order more pleasant; it often stimulates the creativity of the persons whom you ask. People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued. This will lead to a “We can do it” attitude among your people.
5. Let the other person save face
We ride roughshod over the feelings of others, getting our own way, finding fault, issuing threats, criticizing a child or an employee in front of others, without even considering the hurt to the other person’s pride. Whereas a few minutes’ thought, a considerate word or two, a genuine understanding of the other person’s attitude, would go so far toward alleviating the sting! Even if we are right and the other person is definitely wrong, we only destroy ego by causing someone to lose face.
“I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.”
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, French aviation pioneer and author
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
Why I wonder, don’t we use the same common sense when trying to change people that we use when trying to change dogs? Why don’t we use meat instead of a whip? Why don’t we use praise instead of condemnation?
Let us praise even the slightest improvement. What inspires the other person to keep on improving.
“Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellow the warm sunshine of praise.”
Jess Lair, psychologist ( book- I Ain’t Much, Baby–But I’m All I Got)
Everybody likes to be praised, but when praise is specific, it comes across as sincere–not something the other person may be saying just to make one feel good. Remember, we all crave appreciation and recognition and will do almost anything to get it. But nobody wants insincerity. Nobody wants flattery. Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement. So be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to
If you want to improve a person in a certain respect, act as though that particular trait were already one of their outstanding characteristics.
“Assume a virtue, if you have it not.”
Shakespeare
It might be well to assume and state openly that other people have the virtue you want them to develop. Give them a fine reputation to live up to, and they will make prodigious efforts rather than see you disillusioned.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct
Tell your child, your spouse, or your employee that they are stupid or dumb at a certain thing, has no gift for it and is doing it all wrong, and you have destroyed almost every incentive to try to improve. But use the opposite technique–be liberal with your encouragement, make the thing seem easy to do, let the other person know that you have faith in his ability to do it, that he has an undeveloped flair for it–and he will practise until the dawn comes in the window to excel.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest
Always make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest. The effective leader should keep the following guidelines in mind when it is necessary to change attitudes or behaviour:
- Be sincere. Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on the benefits to the other person.
- Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.
- Be empathetic. Ask yourself what is it the other person really wants.
- Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest.
- Match those benefits to the other person’s wants.
- When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that he personally will benefit.
That was all; A collection of the core excerpts from this awesome book. I enjoyed working on this post a lot, as I was also practising these principles in my day-to-day conversations with my family members. I found that the number of arguments reduced drastically, and I have benefited from it a lot. I also used these principles to get work done from colleagues at the office effortlessly.
I loved “How to win friends and influence people” by Dale Carnegie, and I’d like to recommend it to anyone who wants to improve upon communication skills, make friends, impress your colleagues, or change your people’s attitudes and behaviour. [Get the book now]
Do let me know what you liked the most in this post, how was your experience with these principles, or anything else you’d like to add through the comment section below.
Check out my post on “Mental Models – What Are They? How To Work With Them?”